Wellness Wednesday #6: Learn To Pause, Create The Gap. Protect Your Peace.

Self care can get a bad wrap......considered something frivolous that only people with too much time on their hands can engage in.

But it's a necessity for the First Responder population, not just a luxury. 

With constant stress response activation, sleep deprivation, cumulative trauma exposure, nervous system dysregulation and increased risks of experiencing mental and behavioural health conditions, taking the time to purposefully engage in activities that are restorative for our minds and bodies becomes even more imperative.

On yesterday's radio show, "Holding Space with Erin Jane" on The Thin Line Rock Station, we discussed metacognition. In essence, "thinking about thinking". The awareness and active control of our thought processing in real time, while learning to understand the patterns behind them.

I believe mastering the ability to pause before reacting, creating that gap from our thoughts and feeling prior to engaging in a response, is not only a powerful tool, but also an element of self care. Because when we choose to learn and utilise metacognition and implement it into our conscious actions, it allows us to observe what may be lying just beneath the surface....the fatigue, sadness, irritation, fear....that may prompt us to react irrationally when provoked, when a more measured response would be beneficial. 

You know by now I love my 3 P's: proactive, preventative and with purpose. This practice incorporates all three elements. Creating a gap, between the thought and our response to it allows for a moment of heightened emotions to calm, even just for a few seconds. That is also how we can learn to protect our peace.

In a world where negative things are constantly vying for our attention, it's easy for our reaction to them to become explosive. Every little thing has the capacity to piss you off and when our nervous system may already be activated from our frontline roles, it often won't take much. And as many First Responders that I have the privilege to know and interact with, commonly share that once they react in an explosive manner, it can take days for them to truly calm down.

Learning to prevent that explosion, by pausing and creating the gap, is the ultimate way to not only protect, but honour your peace. And that, is engaging in self care proactively.

Every thought that runs through your head is not a fact. Every feeling you experience, while completely valid, isn't evidence. Our thoughts and feelings are based on our own perceptions, which are shaped by our previous experiences. Pausing to see if what just happened, or what someone just said, is actually hitting a nerve for a different reason; a hidden fear, an undisclosed need, a misinterpreted rejection or insult....can completely change our response in real time.

As I shared yesterday, I have a simple acronym that I use to help me remember....because all First Responders love acronyms, right! 

PIMIC:

Pause

Identify

Modify

Implement

Continue

We learn to pause and identify what thought or feeling we're experiencing. Is it accurate? Is it valid? What kind of response is it prompting? Do I need to modify that initial response? Is it appropriate for this circumstance? Am I overreacting...or underreacting? How will that reaction serve me? If you decide a modification is required, implement it, then continue on....because the world doesn't stop turning, now does it! This entire process is a cognitive one and can be done within a few seconds once you are accustomed to pausing and commencing the process. Maybe even with a couple of deep breaths to ground yourself too!

Incorporating any or all elements of PIMIC into your thought processes also comes down to increasing our level of self reflection and awareness, which we've discussed previously. Becoming aware of your behaviour patterns, when you're wound up and hypervigilent after a shift, exhausted with extreme decision fatigue or numb after a tragic call, helps you to understand when those pauses are a necessity. Not only for yourself, but for those around you that you love.

None of what I've shared today is rocket science or a world changing insight that no one has ever referenced before. I don't claim that it is. But, as I mentioned on the radio show yesterday, I believe in meeting First Responders where they're at. Not talking down to you or ranting about shit that doesn't matter for where you're at right in this moment. I want to provide tips, tools and resources that you can implement in real time, easily and whenever you need it.

I know that my positive perspective on life and desire to "hold space" could be seen as a soft or irrelevant approach for a hardened First Responder population. The things I share aren't going to be for everyone and that's ok. But the insight often missed is that I view my purpose as holding space for your darkness....the dark, twisted, traumatic shit that we, as First Responders face every single day...and many don't know how to talk about.

I saw it during the course of my own policing career and see it now, through supporting my husband as he continues to navigate his lengthy firefighting career. I don't think that needs me to be hardened; you bring enough of that with you. It drives me to offer a comforting, understanding and compassionate space, for those who want it. 

My desire to work in this mental health and wellness space with the First Responder and Emergency Services population is obviously informed by my own lived experience, but also by my favourite quote: "Only when we know our own darkness well can we be present with the darkness of others. Compassion becomes real when we recognise our shared humanity". 

I've done the work to process and heal the shit I was carrying. It doesn't just disappear, but I know how to carry it better than ever. I've learnt the practices to incorporate into my life that serve me best. I know what it takes to show up and support someone still in one of those roles, who carries their stuff quietly, stoicly, in a manner that suits him, which I respect.

It's a daily process, but one I am open, honest, empathetic and disciplined about. I have the capacity to show up for others, because everything I talk about, share and advocate for, I've done myself. I know my own darkness well, so I can be present with the darkness of others. I manage mine effectively, so I can help you with yours. I continue to learn and educate myself; that's a process that will never end.....but that's exciting rather than daunting.

So today, I'm sharing PIMIC. I'm advocating for you to engage in metacognition. To learn to pause and create the gap before responding. To protect your peace in this way, gaining insight into your patterns of behaviour, increasing self awareness as a result and proactively looking after yourself. 

Because self care for First Responders in a necessity, not a luxury. 

Cheers,

Erin Jane

Remember, you can find me every Tuesday and Thursday 2pm-4pm EST on The Thin Line Rock Station; "Holding Space with Erin Jane" or listen to episodes of "I Will Hold Space For Your Darkness; A First Responder Mental Health Podcast" for in depth conversations with First Responders, Veterans and experts dedicated to the wellness of our people.