I Will Hold Space For
Your Darkness

Erin Jane is a former Police Officer and Detective from Australia, prior Crisis Counsellor for a suicide prevention organization and current CISM trained, Master Certified Life Coach for First Responders, Emergency Services Members, Partners and Spouses. She is also the wife of an American Firefighter, Captain of 20+ years and currently undertaking psychology and counseling studies to further her capacity to help the First Responder population.

Join her in the "Rorschach Room" every week for authentic, honest and real conversations about what it's like to perform a First Responder role and the mental health challenges that can be a result.

In this episode, Erin speaks with Beata, a Registered Nurse currently working in the Emergency Department of a level one trauma hospital in Boston, MA.

They discuss Beata's start to her nursing career during Covid, what working in an ED is really like, dealing with challenging patients and her previous experience as a Crisis Counsellor at a Suicide Prevention Organization. (Where Erin and Beata actually met!)

**Be advised that the topic of suicide is discussed at length during this episode.**

In this episode, Erin speaks with Dave, who has been a Firefighter/EMT in a suburban fire department north of Boston, MA for the last 22 years and currently holds the rank of Lieutenant. Erin and Dave discuss his career in the fire department, how mental health is tackled around the "firehouse coffee table" and what drove him to go through the process to become CISM trained and qualified.

Dave is honest, open and raw in sharing some of his own struggles with his mental health along his firefighting journey and how his perspective has changed over time, especially becoming a Lieutenant and being in a leadership role, in charge of troops. **They also discuss some of the losses they've both suffered as a result of suicide.**

Erin and Dave talk about how they met (at the CISM course), what they learned and the takeaways they both had from such an experience.

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In this episode, Erin speaks with Elise, a Detective Sergeant from a State Police Force in Australia.

They discuss Elise's career and the different specialties she's explored, her passion for helping victims of domestic violence, her experience with burnout as a Detective, the mental health challenges faced by those who perform these First Responder roles, and why we were told we were getting "Tickets to the greatest show on earth!"

They also discuss what lead Elise down the path to become a qualified Yoga Instructor, the difference with being "trauma informed" and how making sure being a police officer isn't her entire identity is important to her.

 

Elise is thoughtful, honest and insightful when it comes to the mental health cost of being on the front lines of policing and the toll it can take.

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In these two episodes, Erin speaks with Travis Gribble, a former police officer with 24 years experience across both Michigan and Arizona. He held various positions throughout his law enforcement career, including SWAT member, SWAT Team Leader, Patrol Sergeant and Deputy.

Travis is now retired and founded My Arena; a First Responder Mental Health Education and Advocacy organisation. Whose mission is to help "first responders find peace, healing, and strength as they navigate the mental health challenges during their careers" and "educate agencies on how to appropriately handle critical incidents for the employees involved and provide critical response care when needed."

Travis and Erin discuss what drew him to enter law enforcement from the outset, his career trajectory across multiple states, his desire to enter SWAT and some of the mental health aspects he wish he'd known sooner.

Travis also talks about the call that irrevocably changed his career, how he coped, what he experienced in the aftermath and how things should be handled differently for First Responders attending such calls, moving forward. 

Travis and Erin discuss his multiple attempts to find mental health assistance, the call that ended up being his "breaking point" and what help for someone like Travis, diagnosed with PTSD, truly looks like. He talks about his experience with EMDR, Post Traumatic Growth the the origin of his First Responder Mental Health Advocacy Foundation, My Arena. 

They also both discuss their affiliation and support for The Overwatch Collective.

Erin and Travis' entire conversation went for 2.5 hours, so it's broken up into two separate parts, as some heavy content is discussed in detail and at length.

**Please be mindful that details of extreme child abuse are mentioned during this episode**

 

In this episode, Erin speaks with Hayley, a former Senior Sergeant with a State Police Force in Australia and current trauma informed yoga instructor.

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They discuss what lead Hayley to want to join a law enforcement organization, the different positions she held throughout her career and the heavy burden that is placed on people in a leadership role, knowing they have to send their troops out to face trauma on a daily basis.

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Erin and Hayley discuss some of the challenges faced in policing, being a female in a male dominated profession, the impact that workplace occupational trauma can have and what made her walk away from the career that she loved.

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Hayley is remarkably and courageously honest in sharing the negative experiences she endured, the maladaptive coping skills she practiced for so long to the point of complete burnout and her PTSD diagnosis.

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They talk about what happens when you ask for help and it isn't there, how mental health was and is addressed and what could be done better.

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Hayley also shares how she's found her way since leaving her policing career and how finding yoga and becoming an instructor, has changed her life for the better.

It was an absolute pleasure to speak with Hayley and we hope you enjoy listening to this episode!

 

Hayley is the co-founder of Frontline Wellness (Along with Elise from Episode 4) and you can find their Instagram page via: frontline_wellness_au or website: https://www.frontlinewellness.com.au/

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A joint episode with both Hayley and Elise coming soon!

In this episode, Erin speaks with Keith Hanks, a former Firefighter and EMT, with 21 years of service in MA, including roles as a Training Officer and Instructor.

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Keith is retired and is now a Mental Health Advocate, speaking out and educating people on PTSD, substance abuse and suicide prevention in the First Responder community. He is also an author, international speaker and the driving force behind an incredible documentary titled "First Responders In Crisis".

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Keith and Erin discuss his firefighting career, including his generational lineage of service in the fire department and military, dating back to the Civil War. How unresolved trauma can impact you and the maladaptive ways in which he struggled to cope for so many years.

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Keith is brutally honest about his experiences throughout his career, including personal losses he endured, speaks about some of his own failings in a truly courageous manner, embodying one of his favourite sayings, "Own Your Shit". He shares about his PTSD diagnosis, the beginning of a spiral and what lead to his last suicide attempt.

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They discuss the genesis of the documentary "First Responders In Crisis", the impact it's having in the First Responder community and the incredible feedback he's been receiving as a result. 

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Not many people can be as open and pursue their journey of healing in such an unbridled, authentic way as Keith does, but his kindness in sharing his painful experiences and emotions is all part of his strong desire to help others not go through what he did.

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Erin and Keith also discuss the reluctance to speak about mental health in the First Responder world.

It was such a wonderful opportunity to speak with Mr Hanks and we both hope you enjoy this episode!

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The documentary "First Responders In Crisis" can be found on Amazon Prime, You Tube, Xfinity and many other streaming platforms.

 

If you would like to get in contact with Keith or offer feedback on the documentary, he can be reached at khanksmz78@gmail.com or found on Instagram via ⁠@khanksmz⁠

This episode is a first! We have a double treat with returning guests Elise (Detective Sergeant with Australian State Police Force, Trauma Informed Yoga Instructor, Domestic Violence Advocate - Episode 4) and Hayley (Former Senior Sergeant with Australian Police Force, Trauma Informed Yoga Instructor - Episode 7) jumping on together to talk about all things yoga related and suicide in the world of policing.

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If you haven't listened to their individual episodes, I encourage you to go back to Episodes 4 and 7, respectively and understand the context of some topics mentioned in this episode, pulled from our previous conversations.

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Elise and Hayley are the founders of Frontline Wellness, a mental health advocacy organisation for First Responders and they are both qualified, trauma informed yoga instructors, specialising in classes dedicated to the First Responder community.

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They discuss how they both were introduced to yoga, what it's meant to them in their lives and how they decided to become instructors, including their specialisation in being trauma informed/aware.

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Elise and Hayley also discuss with Erin Jane how suicide amongst police officers has increased since they all began their careers, particularly in the last ten years and how it affects morale of the members in the organisation. They also all talk about their individual experiences of receiving and engaging with therapy, both the good and the bad encounters. 

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They both discuss how yoga can offer something different for everyone, especially people in the First Responder, Emergency Services and Frontline Worker realm, who can struggle to slow down, take a well-deserved breath and do something comforting for themselves. How being curious is the best place to start and they even discuss Hayley's initial reluctance to the practice that has transformed her life and mental health.

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It was such a delight to speak with Elise and Hayley together and we all hope you enjoy listening to this episode! 

Don't forget to check out and follow Frontline Wellness on Instagram via: frontline_wellness_au or their website: https://www.frontlinewellness.com.au/  

In this episode, Erin speaks with Chucky, a current Firefighter with a busy metropolitan Fire Department in MA for the last 18 years and a Navy Veteran, where he served for 12 years.

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Erin and Chucky discuss what drew him to want to serve in the armed forces, why he chose the Navy over the Marines and what it was like to already be serving his country, when the attack occurred on 9/11.

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Chucky explains it was during his service that he got the taste to join the fire department, what his process was like and how he spent the first decade working on an Engine. He also details how he came to be in his current role, as the Tactical Aide/Assistant to a Division Deputy Chief and what that role entails.

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Erin and Chucky discuss the mental health aspects that come along with service, both to your country as a member of the Navy, as well as to your community, as a Firefighter; how trauma is heavy and can easily accumulate before you realise it.

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Chucky is incredibly open, genuine and kind in sharing some of his battles with mental health along his journey, as well as when he knew it was time to seek help after he returned from his last deployment. He talks about how he believes sharing the fact he's in therapy has been helpful to some of his colleagues, trying to remove some of that stigma surrounding it and how the loss of his cousin, more like a brother, to suicide impacted him.

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This was a wonderful and authentic conversation with a First Responder who is truly cognizant, aware and understands the psychological demands of the job. He leads by example in working on and maintaining his own mental health, in the hopes others, especially men, will see that it's the way it should be, instead of the cultural stigma that's been attached to receiving any kind of help, for so long. 

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It was an absolute pleasure to speak with Chucky and we both hope you enjoy listening to this episode! 

In this episode, Erin speaks with Fidel, a Paramedic from NYC with 15 years experience, including 3 years previously as an EMT and Army Veteran.

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Fidel explains what led him to be interested in going down the path to become a paramedic, the different organisations he has worked for, even deviating for a short time to become an Organ Transplant Coordinator and working in donor management.

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Fidel and Erin discuss his almost subconscious strategy of not bringing work home and how he believes growing up in New York City conditioned him to be able to perform well under pressure.

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Fidel also kindly talks about his experience as a Paramedic during the early days of the Covid-19 pandemic, where New York was hit incredibly badly and calls for help to 911 doubled in number.

 

He also shares that since then, mental health services have improved as a result of what he and his colleagues faced during that time.

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They also discuss how they came across each other on Instagram and the page that Fidel manages, "First Responder Stories", where he shares accounts of colleagues and other experiences of First Responders, shining a light on our honest and authentic experiences that the general public may not know or understand much about.

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It was wonderful to speak with Fidel and I'm so grateful for his time. 

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Please check out and follow him on Instagram: @first_responder_stories or on Facebook under the same handle. 

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We both hope you enjoy listening to this episode! Find it wherever you listen to your podcasts (or watch!)

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In this episode, Erin speaks with Michael Sugrue, a United States Air Force Veteran, with 6.5 years service, including experience with the prestigious Phoenix Ravens, a Former Sergeant with the Walnut Creek Police Department with 14 years service and co-author of "Relentless Courage; Winning The Battle Against Frontline Trauma" with Shauna "Doc" Springer.

Michael talks about what lead him to want to join the Air Force, his process through ROTC to serving throughout the world, what being a leader really means to him and how proud it made him to serve amongst his fellow Ravens.

Erin and Michael discuss the impact and influence his step-Dad had on shaping his desire to become a law enforcement officer, what the process was like joining Walnut Creek and the differences in the culture of the Air Force vs the Police Department.

He kindly recounts his experience with a fatal officer involved shooting, what having to make that decision to choose your life and save the lives of others is truly like, the effect it had on him and how having to relive the event through 4 years of civil litigation took an enormous toll on his mental health.

Michael details how administrative betrayal is one of the most harmful, yet not widely spoken about experiences a First Responder can endure and how ultimately it lead to the end of his policing career.

Michael also talks about the book he co-authored with Doc Springer, "Relentless Courage"; how this book is incredibly unique and that it's not just for the First Responder community, but for anyone wanting to hear about one man's journey from trauma and unbearable darkness, to thriving once again and enjoying life.

It was wonderful to speak with Michael and we both hope you enjoy listening to this episode!

 

Please check out and follow him on Instagram/Facebook: @michael_sugrue or @sergeant_michael_sugrue

Contact him for speaking engagements via LinkedIn: ⁠linkedin.com/in/sgtmichaelsugrue⁠

You can purchase "Relentless Courage; Winning The Battle Against Frontline Trauma" from Amazon, all good bookstores or listen on Audible.

In this end of year episode, Erin Jane jumps on solo to talk about being a First Responder over the holiday period and how challenging that can be at times.

 

(Even offering a helpful tip on how to handle those relatives who don't "get" that our special occasions can look different to others).

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She also talks about reflections of 2023 and intentions for 2024. How people can get hyper-focused on setting New Years Resolutions, then crumbling under the pressure, whereas she prefers the term intentions so it sets the tone for your year ahead but doesn't seem so overwhelming.

 

Erin shares the 5 things she's most proud of from this year, her intentions for progress and forward momentum next year and how grateful she is for not only those who tune in each week to listen to these episodes, but for all the amazing guests she's featured so far.

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Former and current First Responders have come on to share their experiences, mental health challenges, war stories and done so with immense vulnerability, honesty and authentic intentions.

 

When we share our truth and our humanity, we help others realise they are not alone.

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Hope you enjoy this bonus episode and are back next week for some more wonderful conversations with Erin Jane and her guests.

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Please feel free to reach out if you'd like a topic discussed, would like to be a guest or are interested in receiving coaching services from Erin Jane.

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As a reminder, Erin Jane is a Certified Life and Wellness Coach for First Responders, Emergency Services Members, their partners, spouses and loved ones. She is passionate about helping anyone that is serving/has served as a frontline worker, as she used to be in Law Enforcement and is married to an active duty Firefighter.

In this episode, Erin speaks with Deborah Green, a retired Dispatcher with over 27 years experience with the El Dorado County Sheriff's Department and additionally, the Sacramento Police Department. She was also a member of the National Guard out in California and a member of the Military Police.

Deborah talks about her experience early on in the National Guard, getting sent to assist with the Rodney King riots and how facing up to violence from her fellow citizens was challenging and confronting for her.

She talks about why she chose to become a dispatcher, her experience in the academy and how the technology has changed significantly over her almost 30 year career.

Erin and Deb discuss some famous/infamous cases that her department was involved in or that occurred in her area, including the East Area Rapist and the Jaycee Lee Dugard kidnapping.

Deb talks about the mental health struggles faced by dispatchers and the fatal incident that really was the straw to break the camels back, so to speak; the shooting death of her friend and colleague, in the line of duty, while she was the dispatcher on shift. She recounts this experience in harrowing detail and explains that this incident led to her PTSD diagnosis.

She is honest about how the exposure to so many incidents over her lengthy career compounded and eventuated in a diagnosis of Complex PTSD and her retirement from service, far earlier than she ever imagined. Deb also explains that every First Responder from her department who attended or was involved in that tragic incident left within the following 12-18 months.

Deb tells Erin about how thankful she is that she was already in therapy when the fatal shooting occurred and knows it was the tools she had already learned that helped her get through. That despite her diagnosis, she is surviving and has found happiness in her "new normal".

Deb is on a mission to share her story, so that others know they are not alone in their experiences. That all aspects of our First Responder community must be included when it comes to tackling the mental health challenges that face this important population and it's crucial to remember the ripple and flow on affects from each critical incident, shooting or even suicide. If it affects one, it has the potential to affect everyone.

It was wonderful to speak with Deb and we both hope you enjoy listening to this episode! Follow her on social media: Instagram: ⁠@d911green or

FB: ⁠http://www.facebook.com/deborah.green.790/⁠ 

In this episode, Erin speaks with Dave, a Correctional Officer from Massachusetts with over 17 years experience. 

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Dave talks about why he became interested in Law Enforcement in the first place and why he chose to become a CO. He details what the academy experience was like and all of the different aspects of training a Correctional Officer must undertake.

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A profession that we all know exists and that is glorified on TV and film, which such pop cultural favorites as "Orange Is The New Black" and "Shawshank Redemption" Dave reveals what being a CO is really like, what his every day duties entail and the high level of turnover amongst inmates that occurs, bringing with it variety and a constantly changing environment.

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Dave tells Erin about how utilising your communication skills as your primary tool is one of the most important skills he could possibly have and how his Crisis Negotiation training comes in handy in de-escalating tense and dangerous situations with inmates.

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They discuss the unique smell of a prison, how claustrophobic it can feel at times, the atmosphere when something is about to spark up and what it's like to work in an environment where you're outnumbered so drastically.

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Erin asks Dave about what it's like having to remain in such a hypervigilant state each and every day and how he manages to turn his levels down to return home to his family.

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They also discuss the mental health of Correctional Officers overall and how it can often feel like they are "doing time" alongside the inmates.

 

Dave talks about why it's important for him to be there for his colleagues, to be astute in noticing the subtle differences in people's dispositions and why that led him to be a part of the Peer Support and CISM teams in the past. 

 

It was wonderful to speak with Dave and we both hope you enjoy listening to this episode! It was great to find out more about this lesser known aspect of Law Enforcement and share some insights with you all.

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In this episode, Erin speaks with Chris Littrell, an Air Force Veteran with 6 years of service in the Security Forces and a retired Law Enforcement officer from Washington State, with 19 years on the job. Chris had experience as a Detective, Patrol Sergeant, SWAT team member, Community Services and Peer Support Coordinator. Chris retired from service just 7 months ago, after battling some mental health struggles that made his choice to leave the right one for him and his family.

Chris also talks about the wonderful things he does outside of his policing career, including being a contributor and columnist for Police 1, creating Gravity Consulting and Training and being the co-host of Gravity Podcast with his wife, Jaimie. 

Chris and Erin discuss what encouraged him to join the United States Air Force, including the fact his brother also served in the same military branch. Chris remembers in vivid detail being on active duty in South Korea when the September 11th terrorist attack occurred and how the nature of his entire service changed from that moment.

He tells Erin about choosing to leave the Air Force and what sparked his desire to enter a role in Law Enforcement. Chris joined the same police department as his father after an initial stint elsewhere and details how they both chose to always maintain that level of respect throughout their years of service together on the same force, even how his father's experience and knowledge was such a wonderful resource for him.

Chris explains the many aspects of policing he undertook throughout his 19 year career and is very open and honest about needing some mental health assistance at certain times along the way. He details to Erin that those mental health struggles really came to the forefront this past summer of 2023, when he started experiencing some flashbacks, Post Traumatic Stress and suicidal ideation. Chris explains that with the support of his wife Jaimie, his faith and a crucial network of close friends, he was able to face up to the reality, albeit reluctantly, that he needed more help and went to a facility that treats our First Responder community.

Chris and Erin talk about what his life is like since retiring from his policing career, what he feels like his mission is now and how much joy he gets from teaching, both as a Leadership Instructor at the Washington State Criminal Justice Training Commission and in the First Responder/Private Sector with his Gravity Consulting and Training Organisation.

They also discuss their mutual love of podcasting and how much of a privilege it is for people to open up and speak about their darkness with them, especially those in the First Responder community.

Chris is deep, authentic and introspective. He was incredibly generous with his time, words and honesty and it's difficult to convey appropriately how much I valued our conversation. It was such an honour to speak with him and we both hope you enjoy listening to this episode! 

You can find Chris in the following ways:

His columns on Police 1: ⁠https://www.police1.com/Christopher-Littrell/⁠

Gravity Consulting and Training: ⁠https://gravityct.com/⁠

Gravity Podcast: Available on all streaming platforms, but this is Apple's - ⁠https://podcasts.apple.com/ro/podcast/gravity-podcast/id1589620471⁠

LinkedIn: ⁠linkedin.com/in/gravitychris⁠

Instagram: @thatgravitypodcast and @chris.littrell.5 

 

In this episode, Erin speaks with Jen Lewis, a former Dispatcher, fellow First Responder Wellness Coach, who is also a Meditation Coach, Reiki Master Practitioner and owner of "Wellness In The Uniform".

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Jen tells Erin about her journey from being a hairdresser to becoming interested in becoming a First Responder, namely a Dispatcher. As she was going through the application process, unfortunately Jen found her mother unresponsive. She performed CPR and called 911, but ultimately her mother passed away.

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Jen talks about pushing down and blocking out all of her overwhelming emotions and just focusing on the Dispatcher process, getting hired and commencing her First Responder career. It wasn't until she began taking 911 calls that mimicked her own situation from that day, that it was evident to her how affected she was by her Mum's death and that there was significant trauma lingering just beneath the surface for her.

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She tells Erin that just shy of the 12 month mark, her agency recognised she wasn't coping with the role of dispatcher and she left the job. But her experience as a First Responder helped Jen realise that there was a community and a population that really needed more support and it inspired her to begin a new journey and career.

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After engaging in meditation and reiki as a way to cope with her trauma after the loss of her Mum, Jen became certified in both practices. Having an understanding of what First Responders go through on a daily basis, it fueled her to want to help them, provide them coping skills and to be a resource, which is where "Wellness In The Uniform" was born.

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Jen and Erin discuss the overwhelming benefits of what they believe coaching can do for members of the First Responder community and talk about the different modalities and ultimately, their shared passion about it. They both love that they can bridge the gap between what peer support can offer and what clinical services can provide, given the vast array of different needs of Emergency Services Members and as Jen says, really just helping them get to where they want to be by shining a light on their true self that's trying to emerge. 

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They also discuss their affiliation with The Overwatch Collective, a wonderful organisation who funds therapy and coaching services for First Responders and Military Veterans, from donations alone. Both Jen and Erin are deeply privileged to be a resource for TOC and should anyone want to engage in their services but are financially struggling, you can reach out to The Overwatch Collective for assistance.

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It was such a joy to speak with Jen and get to discuss all the wonderful aspects of coaching with her. We both hope you enjoy listening to this episode! 

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You can find Jen in the following ways:

Instagram: @wellnessintheuniform

Email: wellnessintheuniform@gmail.com

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Please feel free to reach out if you would like to be a guest or are interested in receiving coaching services from Erin Jane.

In this first solo episode for the year, Erin Jane jumps on to talk about how how everyone is travelling in 2024 as we approach the end of the first month of a brand new year!

She talks about the pressure a lot of people put on themselves, especially throughout the month of January, to live up to new habits, intentions and resolutions and how our mindset can have a signifcant effect on our levels of success. Erin talks about how we can set ourselves up for failure, leading us down the path of a Self Fulfilling Prophecy and how to avoid it.

She talks about how breaking down goals into small, incremental pieces, attaches new goals and intentions to already established habits to set yourself up for success and how celebrating small wins along the way is important.

Erin shares some wisdom her sister shared with her about looking at a rhythm instead of a "routine" and how changing your perspective on things and learning to have understanding and compassion can help you continue on when some days don't go to plan.

 

Erin shares a big win she's had in 2024 that means a lot to her and talks about an upcoming trip home to Australia. More importantly, she lives up to one of her own intentions for the year with doing more solo episodes! 

Hope you enjoy this episode and tune in over the next few weeks for some more wonderful conversations with Erin Jane and her guests. (Maybe even some from Australia!)

 

Please feel free to reach out if you'd like a topic discussed, would like to be a guest or are interested in receiving coaching services from Erin Jane.

In this "Aussie Update", Erin Jane jumps on from her childhood backyard in Australia (where if you listen really closely, you can hear the birds and wildlife!) to check in and discuss her trip home.

She felt compelled to jump on for this quick episode, as there has been a lot of loss, sadness and tragedy in the First Responder and Emergency Services community of late. With multiple LODD and suicides in the USA, as well as three in Australia in the last week and a half, Erin just wanted to acknowledge these losses in our shared community and talk about the grief and despair felt when we lose on of our own. 

She talks about catching up with many of her First Responder friends since she's been home in Australia, the conversations they've been having about the state of the job, the mental health situation and the burnout many are experiencing.

This episode is just a quick one, to share some thoughts in the moment, amongst the news of a significant number of losses. To say I hope you enjoy this episode doesn't really sound like the right way to phrase it....more I hope you can hear the genuine sadness I feel of losing more members to suicide, when there's so many of us in this community, trying to offer resources so that it doesn't happen anymore.

There is a wonderful kinship I feel to you, the listener, as I know you share in my grief at this kind of heartbreaking news and I always feel like I can share my thoughts, feelings and emotions and express authentic vulnerability amongst this "Darkness Community".

If you get to the end and feel the way I feel....thank you for listening. It's an honour to hold space for people's darkness and if you find yourself struggling, I am always a resource for you.

 

What a fun conversation this was to have!

 

In this episode, Erin speaks with James Boomhower, a Critical Care Transport Specialist - Paramedic, who has been involved with EMS for over 20 years, is the founder of Stay Fit 4 Duty, an organisation dedicated to bringing mental health wellness and awareness to the EMS and First Responder community, by promoting recognition, management and acceptance of acute stress in fellow frontline providers, he is a Graduate Intern in Clinical Psychology focusing on trauma and is the Lead Peer Support Director at Boston MedFlight. 

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James was kind enough to come join Erin in person, where they discussed his family background of First Responders and how, from a young age, he knew he wanted to help people and be one of the first on scene to be able to provide that initial, critical care.

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He details becoming an EMS member in his teenage years and how showing any kind of emotion, was not encouraged. James explains his desire to continue to gain knowledge, experience and expertise in his field, leading him to his current position, as Critical Care Transport Specialist - Paramedic. 

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Erin and James talk about their shared interest in psychology and how his experiences in his profession eventually led him towards wanting to be a therapy provider for other First Responders.

 

They discuss the power of holding space for someone to unburden themselves and know they are in a safe space, with someone who has a unique level of understanding.

That peer support/CISM can actually offer a lot of benefits, especially when it's more focused on a proactive instead of reactive disposition.

 

And how it's important for First Responders, at the beginning of their careers and as they progress through, to be educated on the kind of trauma they will inevitably be exposed to, how it can show up for them in their life and their body, what resources, assistance and tools are available for them and to encourage reaching out and accessing those resources when they're needed.

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James also shares about the creation of Stay Fit 4 Duty, what the mission and purpose of the organisation is and how it's helping those in the First Responder community as a resource.

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It was wonderful to speak with James and I'm so grateful for his time. He is a wealth of knowledge and resources in regards to mental health, peer support, CISM and everything First Responder related.

 

You only have to speak with him for the briefest moment to hear and see how passionate he is about what he does, wearing many different hats in his various roles as paramedic, instructor, therapist, educator and all round great bloke.

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Thanks for stopping by the "Rorschach Room" James!

Please check out his website and follow him on Instagram: @stay_fit4duty

⁠https://www.stayfit4duty.org/⁠

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We both hope you enjoy listening to this episode! 

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In this episode, Erin speaks with Matt Pitcher, a former police officer with over 22 years experience in law enforcement, with both the Charlotte-Mecklenburg PD in North Carolina and Monroe County Sheriff's Office in Florida. His professional duties included extensive undercover experience, at both the State and Federal levels, involving drug trafficking, organised crime, political corruption and domestic terrorism. Throughout his career, he had involvement in Major Crime investigations, involving rape, human trafficking and homicide.

Matt medically retired from law enforcement in late 2022 and kindly now, shares his stories and experiences in a mission to help fellow First Responders, especially Law Enforcement Officers, recognise the mental health implications of careers in these kinds of professions and encourage others to seek assistance when they need it and not leave it until it's too late.

In their conversation, Matt tells Erin about his early years, where he was interested in acting, but how he'd always been fascinated with undercover work and after listening to his older brother's stories of policing, he decided to join too. He talks about working in a busy part of Charlotte, NC and how his career trajectory was always focused towards working in an undercover capacity. That he worked hard and made his way to vice and narcotics, where he was able to pursue that aspiration.

Matt shares about one of the most tragic experiences of his career, in a personal and professional sense, the loss of two of his colleagues and good friends, Sean Clark and Jeff Shelton, in an ambush style Line of Duty Death. Erin and Matt discuss how a loss like that can truly haunt a police department.

He tells Erin about how generating Confidential Informants led to his first deep undercover, prolonged and protracted investigation, that ultimately began from an outlandish lie he told that spiraled into 18 months of drugs, strippers, nightclubs, fast cars, cash and organised crime. Matt shares that during this time, he had a wife and newborn baby at home, who he hardly got to see and how those factors impact an undercover investigator, as they very much live a double life. He even explains about the night he thought he was going to be killed, by the criminal he had befriended.

Matt shares in detail about his second deep undercover investigation, where he infiltrated an environmental anarchist group, who had members in their ranks with plans on domestic terrorism. Namely, to bomb the Democratic National Convention in 2011. This was completely different to his previous operation and a very different personality to portray, as well as demographic of people to ingratiate himself with. He spent most of his time with a very dangerous, manipulative and unpredictable man named Billy, in an organisation that styled themselves on Al Qaeda. As a result, he was able to provide information to his handler, which thwarted their efforts to conduct a catastrophic domestic terrorist attack. For his dedication to this investigation, Matt was awarded the Medal of Valor.

Suffice to say, two back to back undercover operations took their toll on Matt's mental health significantly, making acclimation back into his "real" life challenging. Matt is really open and honest with Erin, going in depth about the kind of psychological and physiological effects his career had on him. 

What a privilege it was for Erin to speak with Matt and hear about this aspect of his journey! Their conversation is broken up into 4 separate episodes for you to enjoy.

Matt is working on a book about his experiences and career and we think it will be an amazing read!

You can follow Matt on Instagram or TikTok with the handle ⁠@ret_det_mattpitcher⁠

 

In this episode, Erin jumps on to talk about the incredibly heavy start to this year for First Responders, especially those in the Law Enforcement community, with the news of police officers being shot and killed in the line of duty populating our news feeds almost daily.

It strikes at the heart of anyone who has ever worn the uniform and Erin talks about the heartache, as the spouse of a fellow First Responder, of how difficult it can be to watch your partner leave for work, not knowing if they'll return and how fearful and anxiety inducing it must be to be a wife/husband/spouse/partner of anyone in Law Enforcement right now.

She discusses the number of officers lost so far this year, not only in the line of duty, but also to suicide and shares some data and statistics from the National Fraternal Order of Police and Blue Help.

Erin segways into the fact that May is Mental Health Awareness Month and talks about how crucially important it is for First Responders and Emergency Services members to take their mental health seriously, given all that they see, do and are exposed to. She encourages everyone listening to take this month as an opportunity to evaluate what kind of coping skills, strategies and mechanisms you have at your disposal, whether you feel like you're in need of them or not, as the more you have in your "tool kit" should the need arise, the better. Be proactive in knowing what services are available and even try adding a new coping skill into the mix this month!

Lastly, Erin talks about The Overwatch Collective's "50 Miles To Memorial Day Challenge", which she's participating in this year. It's encouraging people to walk, run, hike or ruck 50 miles/80.4km before Memorial Day and share it on social media, in order to raise awareness for their organisation, which funds therapy and coaching services, purely through donations alone, for First Responders, Military Veterans, their spouses and families. An incredibly worthy cause and Erin will be posting her progress and updates on Instagram and Facebook all month, with links to donate should you be in a position to.

We hope you enjoy this episode. It certainly discusses some heavy topics, but Erin felt the need to jump on, talk about and acknowledge the losses rippling through the First Responder, and in particular, Law Enforcement community right now.

This is where you can find information Erin referenced in the episode, as to the names and numbers of officers shot and killed in the line of duty: 

⁠https://national.fop.net/reportshotkilled512024#page=7⁠

This is where you can see the information in regards to the losses of Law Enforcement to suicide that Erin mentioned:

⁠https://bluehelp.org/honor-wall/⁠

If you'd like to donate to The Overwatch Collective and help fund therapy and coaching services for First Responders and Military Veterans, please follow this link: ⁠https://www.theoverwatchcollective.com/donate⁠

Please feel free to reach out if you'd like a topic discussed, would like to be a guest or are interested in receiving coaching services from Erin Jane.

 

In this episode, Erin speaks with Josh Bailey, a Veteran of the Australian Defence Force, both enlisted and as a reservist and former police officer with the Australian Federal Police and Australian Protective Services, where he performed duties as an Air Marshall.

Josh left the AFP after an on-duty motor vehicle accident, which resulted in a PTSD diagnosis. He is a registered provisional psychologist in Australia, almost finished his Master's of Professional Practice in Psychology and is also a member of Disaster Relief Australia, a veteran focused, volunteer disaster recovery organisation, with multiple deployments to emergencies and natural disasters, across Australia and New Zealand. 

Josh and Erin discuss his incredible life of service, in so many varied capacities, including joining the Australian Army Reserves at 17 and becoming a member of the 1st Commando Regiment (Reserve Special Forces). Josh is open and honest about his pride of attaining his "green beret" but that he was disappointed that he wasn't suited to the role as much as he'd hoped.

Josh tells Erin about joining the Australian Protective Services and that he was amongst the first group to go through the Air Marshalls training, something that ramped up after Septmeber 11th, then his lateral switch over to the Australian Federal Police, based in and around Canberra. 

He discloses a rather toxic culture at play in the force at the time he was in General Duties and the circumstances surrounding an awful motor vehicle accident that occurred at a high rate of speed whilst on duty. Josh sustained psychological trauma as a result of the accident and ended up with a Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) diagnosis, which is one of the primary reasons he left the job.

He moved to Queensland with his partner Tracey and enlisted in the ADF as a Fitter & Turner, however his mental health battles became overwhelming during this service and he was medically discharged in 2020.

Josh has since found purpose with his psychology studies and strongly believes having endured significant mental health challenges himself, places him in an excellent position to be able to help others in the future, as a registered psychologist.

He has also found a wonderful sense of purpose and community with the veteran focused, Disaster Relief Australia organisation.

This was a wonderful conversation, full of some brutal honesty, funny stories and basically just two Aussies having a laugh and a chin-wag. Josh is completely open, about his mental health, triumphs and disappointments along the way, in an authentic manner that not many could emulate or live up to.

This conversation is evidence of the kinds of connections that can be generated through the power of the First Responder Mental Health community and social media. 

You can follow Josh on Instagram with the handle ⁠⁠⁠@the_everyday_prov_psych⁠

Find out more about DRA here: ⁠https://disasterreliefaus.org/⁠

We both hope you enjoy listening to this episode! 

 

In this episode, Erin jumps on to continue her own promise and intention for 2024, to continue to do more solo episodes!

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She discusses some feedback she's received in regards to people listening to this podcast and the lovely impact it's having out there in the real world. 

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She also talks about the fact each guest, whatever they share, is their experience and story to tell. So someone listening can disagree, have a different opinion or have had a vastly different experience with the same organisation or situation, but that doesn't make what the guest experienced or talked about untrue.

 

Everyone's experience and point of view is subjective; all she asks is that no one invalidates any experience someone was courageous enough to take the time to share on here, because that is their truth and that's important.

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Erin mentions the fact is was National Police Week in the United States and about how important it is to support those in law enforcement, especially right now, because it's a tough gig. (This was filmed on Thursday the 16th of May, 2024) 

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Erin also talks about The Overwatch Collective's "50 Miles To Memorial Day Challenge", which she's participating in this year. It's encouraging people to walk, run, hike or ruck 50 miles/80.4km before Memorial Day and share it on social media, in order to raise awareness for their organisation, which funds therapy and coaching services, purely through donations alone, for First Responders, Military Veterans, their spouses and families.

 

An incredibly worthy cause and Erin's been posting her progress and updates on Instagram and Facebook all month, with links to donate should you be in a position. She's also going to put her money where her mouth is and donate for every mile/km she runs, so if you'd like to match her donation or just donate in general, please reach out!

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If you'd like to donate to The Overwatch Collective and help fund therapy and coaching services for First Responders and Military Veterans, please follow this link: ⁠⁠https://www.theoverwatchcollective.com/donate⁠⁠

 

Erin also talks about the "Man vs Bear" debate that has been permeating the internet and social media over the last few weeks and shares her thoughts on it, from the perspective of a woman and a former First Responder.

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In this episode, Erin speaks with Chrissy Stewart McKeen, a fellow First Responder Spouse, with her husband being a Law Enforcement Officer, based in the lovely country of Canada. She is a dedicated Police Wife Coach, helping fellow spouses navigate some of the challenges that can accompany being the wife of a police officer and has a background in psychology and the wellness industry.

She is about the launch a program called "Police Wife Academy", which aims at teaching essential skills, stress management and building resilience in an often forgotten part of the First Responder community.

Erin and Chrissy have a wonderful conversation, in what is Chrissy's first ever podcast appearance! She talks how she met her husband Cam 17 years ago in university and that while he was very upfront about his intentions to join the police force, she really didn't know or understand what it meant at the time to pledge her support and encouragement to his career aspirations.

They talk about what it's like being on the other side of the public First Responder experience, how everything their husband's experience invariably bleeds back into their relationship and family life and the different strategies they use to help maintain a healthy dynamic and relationship balance. 

So much is now spoken about in regards to the mental health and wellness of the first responder population, they both think that spouses are an under-utilised resource, as they are the ones that will often notice subtle changes in behaviour and demeanour of their partners. Education on what to look out for in regards to mental and behavioural health conditions could help facilitate some of the proactive approaches and could improve the nature of these important relationships.

Erin and Chrissy mention the fact they are talking/filming during National Police Week in the United States and about how it's never been so challenging to be the spouse of a police officer. They discuss how crucial communication is to ensuring you and your partner are on the same page, that there isn't any one-size-fits-all tool to help each individual couple dynamic, but that if things go left unsaid, it can cause resentment, which poisons a relationship.

They are both firm believers in sharing our stories, so that others don't feel so alone and creating a camaraderie and community, whether it be as a first responder, emergency services member or a spouse, is incredibly important.

Obviously Erin and Chrissy found they have a lot in common and spoke about what the life of a First Responder spouse can entail and how important it is, to not only support your partner in the way that they need, but to make yourself a priority as well.

It was an absolute pleasure to speak with Chrissy! You can follow Chrissy on Instagram: @police.wifelife and her website is ⁠https://www.policewifelife.ca/⁠ to learn more about Chrissy and the kind of coaching she offers.

 

In this episode, Erin speaks with Justin Cotte, a former Police Officer from Washington State, who served his community for 20 years in various law enforcement positions, including patrol, K9 handler, corrections, part of a US Marshalls Task Force for Violent Offenders, Critical Incident Investigator including OIS and held a Detective position with ICAC; Internet Crimes Against Children Task Force. Since retiring, Justin is a Civilian Investigator for the AG's Office and is also studying his Master's of Science in Military and First Responder Psychology.

Justin tells Erin about growing up in Canada during his teenage years, but that how the events of 9/11 made him want to return to the United States and join Law Enforcement. Watching the calm disposition on the faces of the First Responders on that horrible day, amongst all the chaos and tragedy, inspired him to join their ranks. He volunteered for both fire and police departments, but ultimately Law Enforcement won out in the end.

Justin and Erin discuss becoming First Responders around the same age and how they were so naive and unaware of what a career in Law Enforcement would ultimately entail. Everyone joins to help people, but we all leave being changed by our roles.

Justin shares about two ambush-style incidents where offenders opened fire on he and his colleagues, which caused him to enter in a significant state of constant hypervigilence and about the position he enjoyed the most, being the handler of his beloved K9, Solo.

He tells Erin about the loss to suicide of two colleagues from nearby departments and how it made him question his own future career aspirations, ultimately leading him to engage in pursuing studies in psychology, knowing he wanted to be of service to his colleagues in a different capacity.

Justin is honest and open about some of his mental health struggles throughout his career, using alcohol as a maladaptive coping mechanism early on to deal with a relationship breakdown and to combat feeling burnt out, the trauma exposure that murders, crimes against children and just general policing can have on you and the toll it ultimately can take, even leading to negative physiological health responses.

He also shares about finding peace for the first time in his career, when he tried a kind of sensory deprivation, known as float therapy. Justin now practices meditation and this helps him alleviate any stress, anxiety and residual trauma he may be experiencing.

Justin's ultimate goal is to travel, live adventurously and help his fellow First Responders with their mental health moving forward, to prevent more losses to suicide, like those of his colleagues and many, many others. 

It was so lovely to chat with Justin, in this first podcast episode for the month of June, being Men's Mental Health Awareness Month. We both hope you enjoy listening!

 

In this episode, Erin speaks about the importance of the month of June, being Men's Mental Health Awareness Month and PTSD Awareness Month and how she's looking forward to sharing some conversations focusing specifically on men this month.

Obviously both of these issues affect the First Responder and Emergency Services populations significantly, so she talks about how impactful it is to raise awareness for people struggling in that space right now.

She speaks about what trauma actually is and how this community is uniquely affected, often in a cumulative manner, with constant exposure in the workplace. She reads out the clinical definition of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, as from the DSM-5, because with lots of opinions and conversations out there about PTSD, PTSI, PTS, etc it's sometimes helpful know the exact criteria and strongly believes knowledge is power.

Erin discusses the mental health of men, from the perspective of the daughter of a father who completed suicide and how, 37 years ago, when he reached out for help, there was no one there to listen. That mental health needs to be spoken about by men, especially by men brave enough to share their stories, but also by the women who love and care for them. No one's voice should be silenced on an issue this important.

Erin shares personal experiences of speaking with men battling the depths of depression and something important that most men fail to realise; that our perception of you won't change if you dare to cry or express emotion in front of us.

She talks about the fact the tide is turning and how this podcast is evidence of that. Wonderful men have come on here and shared their experiences, emotions, failures and triumphs, in an effort to end the stigma and ensure men's mental health is a part of the conversation in society. That 30+ years later, there is the kind of help available that there once wasn't. It isn't perfect, but it exists and is improving each day we share it in places like this.

Erin also discusses the changing emotions over her lifetime that she's felt towards her Dad, in the way that the she lost him and the choice he made to leave. That there has been the overwhelming grief of missing out on having him in her life, the disappointment and confusion as a young child, the anger and resentment that can manifest with a loss to suicide, the never-ending "Why?" questions we are all faced with and finally, with the birth of her own child at the same age her father died, landing in a place of empathy and compassion. Nothing more, nothing less.

And how that empathy and compassion authentically extends to anyone who has found themselves in the same amount of despair, to be experiencing suicidal ideation or intention.

Thank you for listening.

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In this episode, Erin speaks with Steve Powers, a Veteran of the United States Marine Corps, former Police Officer with over 22 years experience, with the Charlotte-Mecklenburg PD in North Carolina and previously, serving as a Correctional Officer with Charles County Sheriff's Office in Maryland. 

Since retiring from law enforcement in late 2021, Steve has spent his time heavily involved in Peer Support and Crisis Intervention Teams, focusing on Vicarious Trauma and Officer Wellness. He is also the Founder of "Hashtag BuddyCheck", a 501(c)3 organisation, created to assist First Responders and their spouses with the impact of trauma, through awareness and education, after experiencing his own share of trauma exposure and mental health challenges over his 30+ years of service. 

In their conversation, Steve tells Erin about what drew him to enlist in the USMC at just 17 and his service in the Security Forces and as Squad Leader in the 3rd Battalion. 

He recounts the transition out of the military and back to Maryland, where he applied for numerous Law Enforcement positions, before becoming a Correctional Officer. Steve worked amongst this population for 4 years and, as many describe, it's like you're doing time along with the inmates.

With family in the Charlotte, NC area, Steve applied for the Charlotte-Mecklenburg PD, where he would spend the majority of his career. He explains that he spent a lot of time in patrol and early on, found himself to be "one of those people" that others felt comfortable coming to and speaking with if they were having a difficult time.

Steve tells Erin after finding himself naturally thrust into that kind of privileged position, he found courses to do to become a qualified Peer Support Specialist, at both State and Federal levels and how he was part of a Crisis Intervention Team, where he and a Mental Health Clinician would attend a myriad of calls for assistance together.

Steve opens up about his own mental health battles, feeling overwhelmed, burnt out and unable to find his way out of darkness and despair, leading to two suicide attempts. Through the support of his wife, family and fellow Veteran friend, he was able to get some help and begin on a path of healing and learning about his own capacity to help others.

Knowing what a challenge mental health and trauma exposure is for the Veteran and First Responder community, Steve founded "Hashtag BuddyCheck" in 2019 in an effort to educate and help others with their struggles in the way he was helped. He describes to Erin what's behind the name of the 501(c)3 and the kind of education and presentations he provides.

This was a wonderful, honest and heartfelt conversation to have and another chance to highlight a man doing great things in the month of June, being Men's Mental Health Awareness Month.

You can follow Steve on social media on "Hashtag BuddyCheck" pages and reach out for speaking engagements or make a donation via ⁠https://hashtagbuddycheck.com⁠

We both hope you enjoy listening to this episode! 

In this episode, Erin speaks with Jeff Fields, a former Law Enforcement Officer with 22 years experience across Local, State and Federal Departments, including positions at the Drug Enforcement Agency (DEA), Department of Homeland Security (DHS) and as a Criminal Investigator with the US Postal Service. He now has a Public Safety Education and Consulting Organisation, "1333 Consulting" and is the author of "Sober From Sin"; a memoir of his journey through addiction and his search for spiritual and personal redemption.

Jeff tells Erin about growing up with a father in law enforcement, which set him on the path to follow in his footsteps, without really taking the time to consider another career choice. Jeff spent time in various uniformed departments across New Mexico and Arizona as well as Criminal Investigator positions, before obtaining a position with Department of Homeland Security. 

He talks about seeking different positions with different departments, promotions and titles, but never really feeling completely fulfilled. 

As many others in law enforcement, he had always been a big drinker, something Erin and Jeff talk about that is promoted by the culture of the profession. But his drinking behaviour escalated and Jeff talks incredibly openly and honestly about his struggles with alcohol, that began to increase during his time with DHS and resulted from the revelation of childhood trauma and abuse. Not knowing how to cope and not having the correct tools, led him to spiral into a full blown addiction.

The requirement to maintain a security clearance affected his ability to receive the mental health assistance he truly needed, which ultimately meant he never received the kind of support he was desperate for. 

Jeff explains that he reached a point where he knew his career in law enforcement had to end, which as he notes, was easier for him to walk away from that to get sober. But for the sake of his marriage, his family and his own wellbeing, he knew it was something he had to do.

One aspect that helped Jeff along his path to sobriety was his faith, which he tells Erin about and explains the important role it now plays in his life and his recovery. He also tells Erin about the choice he made to put his story out there, warts an all, in an incredibly raw and authentic way, but writing "Sober From Sin". His ultimate goal is just to help as many people as he can, by sharing his story of his battle with addiction, so others know they're not alone.

It was an absolute honour to have this in depth conversation with Jeff and we both hope you enjoy listening!

You can find Jeff via his website: ⁠https://thejefffields.com/⁠ and follow him on Instagram via @soberfromsin and "Jeff Fields" on Facebook.

You can purchase his book "Sober From Sin: A Law Enforcement Veteran's Journey To Unraveling Addiction and Faith" via his website or ⁠https://www.amazon.com/Sober-Sin-Enforcement-Unraveling-Addiction/dp/B0D1VYF955⁠ which I encourage you all to check out!

In this episode, Erin speaks with Egan de los Cobos, a Firefighter and Paramedic with 25 years experience from California. In 2013, Egan and his young son were involved in an awful MVA, where a vehicle careened into the cafe they were sitting in.

This subsequently led to a PTSD diagnosis and the stress and trauma present in his body, lead to the triggering of an autoimmune condition.

After years of chronic pain, Egan sought answers and relief that weren't coming from the mainstream medical system and finally found relief. Inspired by his own journey, he became a certified health coach, focusing on aligning immune, gut, mental and physical health after enduring a protracted search for answers to his own physical health struggles, eventually founding First Wellness Health.

Egan tells Erin about why he decided to become a firefighter/paramedic, inspired by his uncle in the job and they discuss the wildfires that often occur out in California, including his department's member heavy deployments to such incidents. 

He also shares about the day that changed the trajectory of his life, where an out of control vehicle collided with the outdoor cafe he and his son were sitting in, one morning in 2013. Egan was knocked unconscious and when he came to, had no idea where his son was or in what condition.

He searched the rubble, only to find every parent's worst nightmare; his little boy, lying face down and not moving. Thankfully both he and his son escaped relatively unharmed physically from the incident, even having some of his colleagues treat them on scene.

However, the psychological impact on Egan triggered the autoimmune condition of psoriatic arthritis and psoriasis, causing his physical health to deteriorate dramatically. It took 4 years and countless appointments with different medical professionals for Egan's frustration to drive him to seek his own answers and the realisation of the mind-body connection. 

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He was finally able to find some relief through focusing on nutrition, supplements and improving his own health, which finds him now in a place where he could barely walk or attend work most days, to now being able to run marathons.

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Egan also received a PTSD diagnosis, resulting from the MVA with his son and underwent EMDR therapy, with he found immensely beneficial and successful. He also discusses how feeling so helpless and powerless in that moment with his son, when usually as a First Responder, we are the ones in control of a situation like that, was also part of his trauma.

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He tells Erin about his desire to help others, which is why he formed First Responder Wellness and now coaches and supports people on their health and wellness journey.

It was so lovely to speak with Egan and have him share his story with us. We both hope you enjoy listening to this episode and you can follow Egan on social media @eganfirstwellness (IG and TikTok) and Egan de los Cobos (FB) or you can go check out his website: ⁠https://www.firstwellnesshealth.com/⁠

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Please feel free to reach out if you'd like a topic discussed, would like to be a guest or are interested in receiving coaching services from Erin Jane.

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In this episode, Erin speaks with Kenny Mitchell Jr, a Firefighter with over 22 years experience, primarily with the Chesterfield County Fire Department, who retired as a Lieutenant this past April. Kenny is also the Founder of "Operation Yellow Tape", an organisation empowering First Responders to build upon their strength, resilience and hope. Their mission is dedicated to breaking the stigma around mental health in the First Responder profession and community by offering education, resources and support, including their 3rd Annual OYT Conference coming up on September 14th!

Kenny talks to Erin about how the events of 9/11 dramatically changed his career trajectory, taking him from the life of a graphic designer, to feeling inspired to want to serve on the front lines, by joining the fire department.

While he loved and thrived in his new role, he could see the impact of the job could be heavy on someone's mental health, so he joined the peer support network of his fire department in 2009.

Despite knowing the importance of maintaining your mental health and wellness, Kenny endured a tragic and devastating personal loss in 2013, which irrevocably changed his world. He was left engulfed by grief, suffering from depression and experiencing infrequent thoughts of suicidal ideation. 

This mental health struggle lasted for 7 years, until the sudden loss to suicide of one of Kenny's close friends and colleagues, Tom. He knew something needed to change, so he began sharing his own personal struggles and through an outpouring of feedback, realised how many fellow First Responders were experiencing the same kind of mental health challenges, but no one was speaking about them. 

Whilst scribbling notes at his friend's funeral, Kenny wrote "There are too many of us to ever feel alone" and the concept of Operation Yellow Tape was born. His belief is that what happens both inside and outside of the yellow tape is bidirectional and affects both parts of our lives, if one is going poorly, so will the other.

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Kenny reached a point towards the beginning of 2024, where he could acknowledge his cup was getting full and it was time for him to walk away from his firefighting career, feeling proud of all he'd accomplished. He now spends his time dedicated to Operation Yellow Tape, giving presentations to First Responder and civilian groups alike, about the importance of maintaining our mental health and being proactive about seeking assistance. He also still participates in training new recruits, including with MAYDAY/RIT.

First Responder Mental Health and Wellness is deeply personal for him, having lost colleagues as well as endured his own struggles; you don't have to speak to him for very long to know passionate Kenny is about the work he does and has created a wonderful organisation and community.

It was an absolute pleasure to speak with Kenny and have him share his story and experience. (Third time was the charm for us!) We both hope you enjoy listening to this episode and you can follow Kenny on social media @kennymitchellfire or you can go check out his website: ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.kennymitchelljr.com/meetkenny⁠

You can also find his podcast "Operation Yellow Tape" wherever you find your podcasts!​

In this episode, Erin speaks with Josh Grandinetti, an active duty Firefighter and Paramedic with over 15 years experience, who currently holds the rank of Captain with the Eloy Fire District in Arizona. Josh is the Founder of "Foundation Fortified", an organisation bringing the immense benefits of Mindfulness Training to First Responders, with practices uniquely designed and tailored for them. Josh is also a Certified Mindfulness Instructor, with a trauma sensitive certification. 

Josh tells Erin about a chance encounter that led him to completely change his initial career trajectory and become a firefighter. He discusses his early career experience, getting hired at 19 and how he ended up working at his current department in Eloy, an epic skydiving location, which Erin has some experience with. 

Josh talks about always having a unique sense of wonder and intrigue, even as a kid, that eventually drew him along the path of discovering the practice of mindfulness meditation; essentially having an awareness of our moment to moment experiences, through acknowledgement, acceptance and a complete lack of judgement. 

He has been a practitioner now for over eight years and realised how beneficial it is, not only in his capacity as a Firefighter, but in every other aspect of his life as well. It occurred to him how consequential mindfulness could be, if utilised correctly by the First Responder community, to help with their overall health, stress response and wellness.

You only have to listen to Josh speak for a few moments to understand how passionate an advocate he is for the practice of mindfulness. He kindly takes the time during this conversation, to explain in detail what the practice of mindfulness actually is, how it's performed, who it's for and the kind of benefits one can expect to receive from it.

Josh became a mindfulness instructor and his organisation "Foundation Fortified" was able to come to fruition after an on-duty injury sidelined him this past year. He tells Erin about what Foundation Fortified wants to offer First Responders, as well as being a resource for the partners, spouses and children of those members. He also believes teaching and implementing this practice to recruits at the academy level, so they have it a resource for the entirety of their career, will prove immensely beneficial.

Josh is full of knowledge, experience and passion for mindfulness, not only as a pracititioner, but as a teacher. His unique insight into what it's like to perform a First Responder role positions him perfectly to be able to offer this unique, specially designed practice as a tool to enrich the lives and overall wellness of fellow Emergency Services Members. 

It was a true pleasure to speak with Josh and we both hope you enjoy listening to this episode!

Please follow him on social media at Foundation Fortified; Check out his website:

⁠https://www.foundationfortified.org/⁠ and find some mindfulness meditations on his YouTube Channel: ⁠https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC_2osLcuwVDNzqh6E49l5Rg⁠

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In this episode, Erin speaks with Chris "Kable" Martinez, a former US Army Ranger, who recently retired from a 24 year policing career, serving with two Police Departments in Floria. Since leaving and experiencing some of his own personal struggles, Chris has focused on becoming an advocate for the mental health and wellness of the Veteran and First Responder communities, by becoming a certified mindset coach and breath-work facilitator. This prompted him to share his knowledge of how breath work can benefit that community, by writing a book.

Chris tells Erin about joining the US Army, becoming a Ranger and how an instructor was pivotal in showing him that he had the potential to be a leader. After leaving the military, the reality of starting a family prompted him to find a steady job to provide for them, so he looked to policing. Something he never imagined for himself!

Chris talks about how much he enjoyed the first eight years of law enforcement at Hialeah PD, only leaving for financial and career opportunities to a newer police department at Miami Gardens. He was able to qualify to be on their SWAT Team, work in patrol and as an RTO throughout his 16 years of service there.

Towards the end of his career, the cumulative trauma exposure of 24 years of policing and an additional 4 years in the army performing reconnaissance Ranger missions began to take their toll. Chris shares openly about his awful mental health spiral, leading to drug addiction, infidelity and separating from his family, which almost broke him. He talks about the suicidal ideation he experienced and how close he came, before seeing his own daughter hospitalised for her own attempt, which prompted him to make a change.

He went to his local church and submitted himself to God, having a visceral experience that made him feel like he now knew what his mission would be, moving forward. After reconciling and rebuilding trust with his family, Chris has been committed to leading his life authentically, which includes sharing his own personal struggles and the things that have helped him along the way in his own healing journey.

Although knowing he will never be truly "healed" from some of his PTSD symptoms, he invested in learning all he could to be in a position to help himself and others. While his faith is a crucial part for Chris, he also believes that physical health and perspective also play a role. He became a qualified life/mindset coach and breath work facilitator. That lead to Chris writing a book on breath work and creating an accompany journal, specifically aimed at helping those in the First Responder and Veteran community. 

His book, "The Calm Warrior; Breath Work Practices For Mental Resilience" is available now! You can contact him via ⁠kablespeaks@gmail.com⁠ for speaking engagements or coaching sessions and follow on IG @kable_official

It was wonderful to speak with Chris. Although deeply personal and painful, he shares for the purpose of helping others. We both hope you enjoy listening to this episode!

Please feel free to reach out if you'd like a topic discussed, to be a guest or are interested in receiving coaching services from Erin Jane.

In this episode, Erin speaks with Mike Morgan, a Law Enforcement Veteran with 30 years experience across two departments, a mental health advocate for the First Responder community and a proponent for the healing benefits of plant-based medicines, in particular, Ayahuasca.

Mike talks to Erin about the first ten years of his policing career, spent with Atlanta PD and how extreme that experience was, attending multiple murder scenes in just his first shift. He left to return closer to his roots in New York, spending the next 20 years with the Suffolk County PD. Although a very different style and level of policing, it did not leave him unscathed psychologically by any means.

Mike shares about mounting stress, that led to an opioid addiction, which he thankfully overcame after a stint in a rehab facility. He also tells Erin about one of the toughest calls of his career, a job to attend a 2yo little girl, found floating unresponsive in a backyard pool. In his vivid description, Mike shares about having to perform CPR with another colleague, how grateful the parents were that they were able to revive their daughter, despite suffering a hypoxic brain injury and how his guilt made him feel so conflicted for being nominated for an award as a result of this job.

After suffering an OTJ injury in September 2020 and undergoing surgery, Mike retired in October 2022. Having such an extensive career as a First Responder, Mike had learnt to bury anything that brought up difficult emotions, but in his retirement, soon realised these kinds of things don't stay buried. After watching a podcast where former Navy SEAL Eddie Penney was openly emotional about some of his experiences, Mike felt some part of him crack wide open, experiencing flashbacks from his career and understanding he needed some help.

Not feeling like traditional medicine was the right path for him, he turned to plant-based medicine and found healing through Ayahuasca. This also led to Mike finding his new mission; to be an advocate for the mental health and wellness of First Responder and Veterans, in particular, healing through plant-based medicines, especially after his own experiences and success. One such organisation who has the same mission and Mike is a supporter of, is No Fallen Heroes Foundation; ⁠https://nofallenheroesfoundation.org/⁠

It was so lovely to speak with Mike and learn about Ayahuasca! You can follow him on Instagram at: @theresilientwarrior5778. We both hope you enjoy listening to this episode!

(Since we recorded this episode, Mike's IG changed to the one listed above, so it's different to the one he mentioned during our conversation. He also reached out to the parents of Dana, the little girl they were able to rescue from the swimming pool. She is doing well, but her healthcare and assistance needs are expensive, so Mike has set up a GoFundMe page. Please consider donating: ⁠https://gofund.me/57bdafa5⁠)