Wellness Wednesday #1: Forgiveness

I want to try something new here as we approach the end of 2025.....

I love to write, but have had my focus drawn towards writing papers for my psychology and counselling study endeavours, which leaves little room for creativity, passion or a verbose writer.

So, I want to challenge myself in 2026 and set the intention...(if you listen to Holding Space with Erin Jane on The Thin Line Rock Station, you'll understand that reference!) to institute a Wellness Wednesday blog/email. I'm hopeful for every week, but am also realistic and as this is my intention, believe every fortnight may be a more frequent timeline, but I promise to do my best either way!

My aim is to draw upon a number of resources to fuel the subjects that I cover here; conversations I have with former and current first responders, friends, family, strangers, listeners, coaching clients and podcast guests, radio show topics, my studies, things I read, things I listen to, interactions I have with my boys....anything that sparks those thoughtful cogs that like to churn away in my brain often and inspire me to write things like this, or speak in depth about a topic on the radio. 

The first topic I'd like to share, for this very first Wellness Wednesday edition, is the same topic I'm going to address on Holding Space tomorrow, Forgiveness.

When we think about forgiveness, it's often something we either give to or receive from others. The same as closure. We believe it's something we must seek from others in order to move on. However, I choose to have a slightly different take on it.

Closure and forgiveness are two things that I believe we can give to ourselves, without becoming dependent on others for them.

There's something very powerful once you realise this. When we rely on external sources, we relinquish an element of control in this respect. Over how we are capable of thinking, feeling and reacting to situations where we believe closure or forgiveness may be required. When we determine that although it may be nice to receive these things from others, it isn't always guaranteed or live up to what we think it will feel like when we receive them, it reduces our need for them or the value we believe they possess.

So learning to take charge with these two things, when it's necessary, can help us unburden ourselves, in a way that external validation, forgiveness or closure never could. It can alleviate the weight of things we end up carrying around, bearing the responsibility of, especially as First Responders, that aren't really ours to carry sometimes, yet we do anyway. Because that is the kind of people we are.

The lack of ability to forgive ourselves for the sins of our past, imagined or real, can lead to vast amounts of guilt, shame, blame, regret and constant rumination over things we can't possibly change. Because we can't rewind the clock or go back in time to fix things, or make them better. Those actions belong in the here and now, but are limited.

If we hurt someone we love, or wrong them in some way, we can apologise....but what if they choose not to forgive us...? Are we destined to carry that burden forever? Or can we acknowledge our mistake or action, accept it was wrong, hurtful, could've handled it better, offer a sincere apology (whether accepted or not) and make the choice to forgive ourselves.

Similarly, when it comes to closure, we wait impatiently for that person who hurt us to offer us that long awaited apology or explanation for why they broke our heart or wronged us.....but what explanation will ever be enough? Will an apology take away the pain it caused? I believe that while again, it might be a nice gesture, it can't be what we want it to be. The person who hurt you can't be the one to heal you. You heal, forgive and provide closure to yourself. That's how we stay standing, march ahead and keep showing up for ourselves in this life.

A significant aspect of forgiveness that I've personally wrestled with, is learning to have grace and compassion for the younger version of myself. The one who didn't handle things as I would now, who didn't know any better, or didn't have the best coping skills at the time, so made poor choices. No blame or shame, simple acknowledgement. Just a big sister hug to my younger self, because no matter how I handled things previously, I know I've grown, changed, evolved and learnt from those experiences. I may not like how I reacted in certain situations, but I can appreciate that I did what I could at the time, in that moment and because of that, I survived. I am still here today, to even have the opportunity to learn, grow and understand there are better ways.

So my wish, as we commence a brand new year here together, full of potential, is to recognise that forgiveness is one of the greatest gifts you can give to yourself. It's one of those things that we often give easily and readily to others, like grace, compassion, empathy, patience, kindness....yet fail to recognise we are deserving of, as well.

Perhaps consider whether there are things you wish to march into 2026 without, that you deserve forgiveness for...and grant it for yourself.

No matter our past sins, mistakes, errors, wrongs.....or let's be honest, complete fuck ups.....we all deserve to begin a new year unburdened.

Forgive yourself. Allow space for self compassion. Grant yourself the closure no one else can truly offer. And forge ahead, with clarity, purpose and your own set of intentions for the next 12 months. 

Remember, nothing is guaranteed in this life and aging is a privilege not everyone gets. So don't let fear, ghosts from the past or the weight of things you shouldn't be carrying hold you back from achieving whatever greatness or true, authentic purpose looks like for you.

Happy New Year. 

Wellness Wednesday #1 for 2026.

Cheers,

Erin Jane

Remember, you can find me every Tuesday and Thursday 2pm-4pm EST on The Thin Line Rock Station; "Holding Space with Erin Jane" or listen to episodes of "I Will Hold Space For Your Darkness; A First Responder Mental Health Podcast" for in depth conversations with First Responders, Veterans and experts dedicated to the wellness of our people.